That Valencia filter really makes Grandma pop in her casket

Selfies At Funerals: Everything that is wrong with the world today.

If you didn’t see it earlier this week (because maybe you were one of the dead grandparents in the background of the selfies??), you need to see it now. Warning, this is what you’re getting in to:

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As if the Sriracha shortage scare and the looming wine shortage aren’t enough to make me believe the world is actually ending at some point before it’s my turn to have someone take a selfie at my funeral…this just solidifies any fears I have that humanity is doomed. Millenials have hit a new low with their all-time high in the vanity department and this is how I feel about it:

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And surprisingly, there are a number of articles that you can read with the tone of “in defense of selfies at funerals.” I read them and here’s what they’re trying to claim:

No wonder these teenagers retreat to the bathroom to fix their hair and take a selfie in the mirror out of impotence and boredom. Our cultural traditions have failed them, and selfies at funerals are one of their only outlets to ritual and mourning in the age of the smartphone. – Caitlin Doughty

Just. No?

You just said taking a selfie is a cultural ritual. And that it’s now PART OF THE MOURNING PROCESS. Imma get on re-writing the 5 Stages of Loss and Grief now, brb:

1. Denial and Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

6. SELFIE! (Because I’m so excited to understand and accept that people actually die)

Or maybe it would be Depression, Selfie, Acceptance??? Because selfies are how kids these days handle grief, so that helps them achieve acceptance because it validates their feelings and proves that they, themselves, are alive and well and matter….and then they share it with the world who ALSO validates that they are in fact alive and well and matter, as they presumed, and they know this because someone double-tapped their Instagram pic and OOP! They liked it! Yessss #likesforlikes LOLZ

No. I’m sorry. Overall, that is just not what’s going on in the minds of these kids. Yes, I do think society has failed them…but we have been failing ourselves since the beginning of time in one way or another, so let’s not make an exception for them here. I do believe that we don’t know how to handle grief and and our culture, as a whole, doesn’t deal with death in the healthiest way and seriously disengages, so yeah…they have pretty shitty role models, but I’m also pretty sure this girl is more concerned about letting the world know she’s having a good hair day than trying to accept the fact that someone actually died and that mortality is a real thing:

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And can we get a body language expert to analyze this chick, because I don’t think you’ll find any evidence of coping with grief hiding in her cleavage or written on her sparrow face. Never mind the fact fact she’s literally LMAO after the funeral (read: laughing her ass off)

Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 9.33.55 PMAnd this girl will actually tag you if you like her photo, so you better do it because then people will check out YOUR Instagram account and you can get more followers (!!!), which is actually directly linked to your self-worth (studies coming soon). And apparently her uncle died, but the tags don’t correlate, so please work on not only your funeral and society-in-general etiquette, but your Instagram etiquette, as well: #family #mom #dad #brother #sister #brothers #sisters #bro #sis #siblings #siblings #love #father #mother #related #instagood (what every future funeral will be hashtagged with, by the way). But BTW, you forgot one hashtag: #SoSkinnyBecauseImSoSadMyUncleDiedButDontILookFuckingHotInThisBlackDress

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What I DO think this phenomena represents is…not our disengagement with death…but life. Nobody lives in the damn moment anymore. Myself included. When I’m not dancing my ass off at a concert, you’ll find me watching moments of the concert, and life, through a lens….rather than experiencing it as is. (But I’d just like to argue that it’s because I have a poor memory and, years from now, when I realize part of my soul is missing, I can look back through my photos and remember I left bits of it on the dance floor at each show I attended.)

I don’t know.

To me, Selfies At Funerals is just a sad realization that maybe we’re too insecure and afraid to allow ourselves to truly experience life, and death, as it comes and that we’re more concerned with cultivating a digital representation of ourselves that seeks the approval of others and, in exchange, makes us feel like we have a life worth living.

At least these girls realize how awkward and pathetic that is:

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One response to “That Valencia filter really makes Grandma pop in her casket

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